


For the Sake of Eunwoo Happiness

by annstro (an_nn_n)



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Canon Compliant, M/M, alter ego
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/an_nn_n/pseuds/annstro
Summary: Moonbin hides everything. His feeling, his love, his emotion, he keeps a smile and support for the sake of Eunwoo happiness. Even where his hearth ache and screaming pain. After all, as long as he can see Eunwoo smile, he is contented.
Relationships: Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Moon Bin
Kudos: 25





	For the Sake of Eunwoo Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, this work are mainly narrative. The conversation that happened here are between Moonbin and his inner self or alter ego.  
> Warning: . Implication of self-harm (excessive amount of work out). Also slight implication of suicides.

"What if that person starts to contact you again after this episode on air?" Eunwoo faces start to blush, he tried hard to hide it with a shy smile. 

Bip. The screen off.

Moonbin tosses his phone, nowhere, as long as it does not drop to the floor, and sink his head to the pillow. He rubs his face hard. Moonbin tries to take a breath, deep and hard but it only left to his grunts. Moonbin then moves absurdly, standing up, take his training pants, wear it over his boxer brief. He walks across his share room with Jinwoo and takes his bag. And soon after he left the room.

"Hyung! Where are you going?" Rocky, who watches Dream concert with Sanha glance at him. 

Moonbin glance to smiling Eunwoo on the screen, ready to be an MC for the event. Oh, that smiles, that beautiful sweet smile, it looks like mocking him. Moonbin takes his scooter key from the hook, "Gym!" and he slams the dorm door hard.

Moonbin is opted to run to his gym, easier to relieve his stress, but going with his scooter is probably faster. The faster he arrived, the longer time he can stay at the room, stuffing his muscle. Moonbin just waved his hand to the front desk. He is regular, and every staff knows him, even staff who get the night shift. He didn't take long for warming up. Soon after, he already starts his routine. If he spent longer time in the bench press or setting the speed to maximum in the treadmill, let it only him and the night shift staff that know. 

That night, Moonbin let his eyes be little blurry, opted to leave his contact and glasses, so he can't see the digital clock in the gym wall. In the end, when his muscle screaming pain, protest of the work that Moonbin did to them, Moonbin stopped. He lay still on the bench. His eyes go right to the bright LED lamp the gym used, so different from the sky that gets darker and darker. When he finally up and start to clean himself, he did it thorough everything, make it longer than his usual time. When he is ready to out, he stole a glance at the clock, 20 minutes before midnight.

After he remembers that the dream concert is just done, the will to go home declined. He then turns over his scooter to Han river. If his muscle not screaming on pain, he rather leaves his scooter and runs at his usual track, panting his breath so he can forget. Moonbin stops to buy water and instant sausage in nearby convenience store. He want to take can of beer but he knows they will have early practice next day, he let it to just dwell the water. When he sits on the bench, eyes on the river, he found he didn't bring his phone. 

Han river, even at midnight, never really empty. It still one of the best spots for dating. Moonbin can see many couples walk hand in hand, or just stop with hands on each other shoulder. Moonbin chuckled, it seems everything are mocking him. 

Moonbin left his scooter and his other belonging at the bench. He walks to the guardrail. He climbs to the guardrail and sit on there, used his hand to balance. Moonbin choose place where the lamp can give reflection on the surface. He found his own reflection on the surface. He focuses his eyes on his own reflection, the longer he sees, the longer the reflection becomes real, like a real person, who is mocking him. 

“Not you too,” Maybe Moonbin is indeed insane because he talks to his own reflection.

“Oh come on. I know you are not stupid, Since when you hide that?” Moonbin knows it's all in his head, but why it seems the reflection is the one that talks to him.

“Eunwoo can't ever be yours. Why you are that stupid to always falling in love with him?” His reflection talks again. 

Moonbin looks at his reflection, “I know,” He said softly.

“Stupid. Remember. Long long time ago? I told you to confess. Way before you guys debut. If you got rejected, it will be easy to move on. You are insisted it will interfere with your friendship. Now what? too late, you fall too deep,”

Moonbin seems on the deep thought, “Back then, there is no way he loves me. I think as the times goes, he can open his heart to me. I think I can change his heart for the meantime,”

“Stupid!” Moonbin didn't need his reflection to throw that to know that he is indeed stupid.

“Who do you think you are to change human’s heart,” 

Moonbin rub his face, “Just once. Just for once, I want to feel loved by him,”

“You lied to yourself Bin-ah,”

“I never lie?”

“You always thought it's okay to fall in love. You always think it's fine to keep your love in silence. It's fine if it's only you who are in love,”

“And it's not a lie? It's fine. I will always love him even in silence, even only in the term of friendship. I never have any problem if I just the only one who falling in love,”

“You, human, are all greedy little pig. You said its enough if it's only you in love but then you said you want him to love you back. What it is if it not lie,”

Moonbin keep silent, the word from his reflection seems pricks right in his heart, “I want to go on run,”

“From the world?”

“Maybe? To the place where I don't need to think about this fucking stupid feeling. To the place where I don't need to think about Dongmin. To the place where I don't need to take care of my feeling to Dongmin,”

Suddenly, his reflection just looks at him, “But you want to keep your feeling. You want to keep falling in love with Dongmin. You want to run where you don't need to think about your feeling but in the end, you know there is always Dongmin at your finish line,”

Moonbin nod, “Maybe because deep inside, I know I already lose, I am giving up, but I don't know how,”

“But you actually never try? never try to tell him about you,”

Moonbin scoff, “For what? accelerate my own death?”

“You never know if it will end differently just because you talk to him”

Moonbin look at his reflection whose getting real because of the lamp, he said with smile pester in his lips, imagining Dongmin, “You don't know Dongmin that well,”

His reflection snicker, “Then, back to be pitiful Moonbin. Who can only run for his problem and come to me. Moonbin who can only lie and support him even himself is hurt. Just be Moonbin, the most pathetic person in the world. You and your stupid love,”

A sudden hit of reality comes to Moonbin, “What is it in drama. ‘I’m happy if I see him happy’ i just realized that is stupid line of script,”

“Did you happy when Dongmin happy?” Moonbin didn't answer.

“I change the question. Did you happy if Dongmin happy but its because of you?”

This time, Moonbin answer, “Dongmin always happy and it's not because of me,”

“Maybe you are not that important in Dongmin’s life,”

“I know,”

“Then why you are still here like a pathetic stupid human being?

“1 Year,” now it's time for his reflection to get silent.

“1 year. I will keep it for another year. I will let myself feel this feeling for another feeling, then I will try to move on,”

“You said that last year. two years before, and even three years ago,”

“I may cant stop,”

“I will not try to stop you anymore. You already choose to keep it,”

“Its okay, as long as I can still see Dongmin’s smile from his side,”

“There, you lie again,” but now Moonbin ignores is he then said, “Please pray for Dongmin’s happiness,” he sees his reflection who become blurry, the effect of the dim light before finally, he can't see his reflection anymore. 

When Moonbin opens the dorm, all eyes are on him, including Dongmin who apparently already back from his job on dream concert. “Oh Binnie! Where have you been? I try to call you but you didn't answer,”

“Ah, Sorry Hyung. I left my phone at the room, I just got back from Gym,” Moonbin smile sheepishly. 

“How long you are on the Gym, Hyung. It's so long. You need to reduce your time on gym. Didn't you see your muscle? It's out of control, Do you want to become hulk or something?” Sanha said playfully.

“If yes why? You are the one that supposed to go to gym. When was the last time you go to gym hah?” Moonbin is back at his usual self.

From the corner of his eyes, Moonbin can see Eunwoo keep his composure. Deep inside Moonbin is chanting that it's fine. Like this are fine and he is enough by this kind of relationship in the group.

“Heol! It means you didn't watch me on dream concert?” Eunwoo stops the bicker between Sanha and Moonbin.

Moonbin scratches his back of his head, “Sorry. But I did watch you Jibsabu,”

Moonbin knows he will get hurt if they gonna talk about it, so he opts to walk to his room. His hand grips his bag strap hard. Hard enough to leave an imprint in his hands. Moonbin then stop in front of his door, he turns to see Eunwoo, he looks at Eunwoo deep, makes the other frown, “I hope they will call you after that episode on air, Eunwoo,” Moonbin can see how Eunwoo cheek turns a little pinkish. Moonbin didn't want to hurt more so he just goes to his room fast. He put down his bag weakly on the floor. Moonbin goes inside his safe blanket, curling to the wall. A single tears out, he let out a small word from his thin lips, “For the sake of Eunwoo happiness,”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my new special oneshot as [The Royal](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24489220) hits 1000. Thank you for your support!!! please also support my one shot too since mostly they are canon universe.  
> I hope you enjoy this fiction. Don't forget to leave kudos, and comment too!  
> Meet me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/_an_nn_n) too!


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